Dust off!!

In with the new and still fighting the old. Well, I want to start off by saying, no matter how things pan out don’t tap out. Some things take time, it may; wear you down, drain you, question your decisions and not work out the first time. Keep at it if it is still your zeal to live. Don’t mistake a dead end to be the end of the road, sometimes you just need to tear down the obstacle or make a way around around it.
It’s been three years since I started publicly writing which was initially uncomfortable because of my introverted nature, your girl here loves privacy. So even the pieces I posted had to go through my scrutiny. Self-judgement is brutal, for those who do it know too well it never ends well. It even made my creativity rigid, but even with that, I was struggling with making a move forward in my life. Writing being an escape, it wasn’t working or should I say, working how it should. I quickly noticed I had to get to the root of the problem.
Battling anxiety and ‘mild’ depression (still belittling it) I would mask it with a smile. I am usually a happy person you would not know if there’s anything bothering me. And I turned to having fun as the drug that would ensure I never deal with the underlying issues. I wouldn’t want to blame anyone for this but growing up in the environment I did, there was no room for speaking up. It was business as usual and hoping things actually get back to normal, which they never did, so there I was running a race I’ll never win.
Being stuck is one of thing that gets you dreading pretty much everything, you became lost. So within this period I was a self-destructive grenade, don’t be scared, I am deactivated now, it affected every aspect of my life. The silence become so loud at times I enjoyed having a rush of adrenaline that would make me feel. Putting myself in harms way and enjoying activities that pushed the limits, nothing suicidal but close to. I soon realized the constant partying and escapes I undertook didn’t help the situation.
Fortunately, an opportunity came along which turned to be my turning point. I finally got into a space I could only focus on myself, in every way possible. During that period I had been able to gain what I had lost for the longest time, clarity and finally closure for the run around I have been having. Yes, closure over my Dad’s death and clarity on what should be next for me. Though painful and inquisitive the whole experience was, resurfacing some memories I would rather forget, it was the healing I needed.
It took me almost over two years to get my life back on track, a journey I don’t regret but one that has molded me to who I am today. With this blog, embarking on a journey of writing and hope to revive those who feel lost in the process. If you are going through any sort of loss or difficulty, trust the process, there’s no formula to these things, just keep your head held up high and reach out if you can. For those who offer that safe haven remember to just be there for them, no need to talk, just hold them more if you can and, check up on them more often. Don’t tap out just yet!