The complexities of social life… 

This is based on an ambivert’s personality.

The social construct is made to appear easy. They even say that if you cannot freely engage with others, you are the problem, and I quote, “man was made to be social.” We have tried it their way. Maybe we have achieved their expectations, but in the same breath, others have lost out on who they are.

As you get older, you hardly make friends, especially if you enjoy things or activities in solitude or those activities that attract small crowds. Taking into consideration the rise in responsibilities, the spare time you have for yourself needs to be used wisely. If you know me very well, this has become a commandment in my life.

For example, an activity may be important to you, but are you important to me? Is that activity as important to me? Those are the questions that I ask because I am equally important, or rather my needs are. It is not a selfish way of thinking; rather, it is self-full. I am always asking the question, what do I want, what do I need? I have learned that self-honesty can save you from so many misguided interactions and choices. Being self-full has made my whole outlook on life change. You only want to do things that are important to maintaining a sense of fullness in your life. It turns away from doing what everyone seems to want and eliminates jealousy and envy of the other person’s life.

Circling back to making friends, I have become more attracted to people in my field or related to it. Don’t get me wrong, I love, love… meeting new people. I wish I could be doing that daily, but it is easier to have a conversation with someone who resonates and kind of relates to the world I am exposed to daily. Why do I say this? Because you will meet these people at work, in the field, or at an event related to your interests. Once you are past the introduction and you are vibing, let me tell you for free, you won’t be talking about work. You start relating on different levels outside of the work environment.

For example, if I meet you at a work-related event, I hardly want to know what I can pick up from your LinkedIn profile, but rather, I want to know who you are as a person. Your interests, your passion, your mindset. My life is so calendarized that even for spontaneous encounters, it grows from the need/intentionality of doing the activity and/or seeing the person. If you feel like your social life is on an I.C.U. bed, you just have to be a bit intentional about it. It may be difficult at first, but by the third month, you will have established a routine. Just make sure you do it correctly, with the right energy and person(s).

I am curious to know, where and how are you doing on the social life spectrum?

Setting clear boundaries has made it a bit better. You tend to lose some friendships on the way, which may suck at first, but you enjoy it once you have found the right people who understand you and your needs. It’s a give-and-take. That mutual understanding is what makes it all effortless in the end. There will be tears, second-guessing, and lonely nights in the beginning, but it will be all beautiful in the end. I know most of us struggle here, but once you get your people, it will be like walking on a mint farm; very refreshing.