The Gift that keeps on Giving

Many think a gift comes wrapped up with love, good or relatively good paper, and a note, that bears a good message and its sender but if you look at life in that view you may be receiving gifts during birthdays and Christmas if you are lucky enough. For me, my gift came fashioned in a different setup. Filled with confusion, unnecessary lifestyle changes but I couldn’t ask for it any other way. We have been giving COVID-19 the upper hand and have not been able to see life from a different perspective. Sometimes we just need to see; open our eyes and read not too much into the nitty-gritty happening around you. Only then will you see what I have constantly seen.
A little background story; the year started a bit bumpy than I could have anticipated and it was in those moments I chose to face every obstacle thrown at me with a bit of positivity. It was hard, a few tears were shed in the process but we always woke up confessing good vibes regardless. Then the pandemic was upon us, bringing the whole world to a standstill, and didn’t fail to do so in my life. At first, it was a great chance for me to catch a breath from all that had been going on and focus on areas I wanted to improve on but didn’t get the time to.
It is in those 6 months that I was able to ask the hard questions, those that often felt and feels uncomfortable to answer. It started with adopting new habits, to breaking the monotony that schedules brought, to finally being comfortable in my own space. In it all, I discovered so many things about myself, letting go of others and embracing those that befitted me. Tearing down and rebuilding is never easy but is very therapeutic.
Fast forward to early October, to when I started writing this article, surprising, right? I had to put a hold on some aspects of my life to ensure what I was doing then had my undivided attention. Let’s get into those gifts:
One of them came in the form of the value of time, with others and me; a boundary I have clearly defined. Respect yourself enough to have it well laid out even for others to see, and cherish spending time with those you enjoy their company.
Growth is another gift I can’t overemphasize, I mean, their many ways to do so, don’t be sucked into that cozy couch. It is dangerous. Do something new, challenge yourself, but be careful not to bite more than you can chew.
Investing in hobbies came with much fulfillment. From working or learning Monday to Friday it goes without saying you need a release. Sleep doesn’t count as a hobby so I don’t expect you to sleep the whole weekend either. With that in mind, take time to try out new things and reignite old things that were fun for you that you had stopped doing. Mine has been outdoor activities, that adrenaline with some sunshine is a perfect scene.
Lastly, get in touch with yourself. This gift is one that can make your life a bit healthier. This cuts across from therapy, to spirituality and, to journaling. These three things, I have seen them work for those around me and even myself. Pick one and run with it, if you can apply all of them, then the better. This just makes you conscious of who you are and why you behave or feel a certain way. This even helps you to process what is happening around you, which are triggers for most of us.
I will conclude by saying, for you to notice gifts in any season, just actively look for them. Maybe on that bad hair day, you learn to DIY and save some pennies; even when locked up in the house you may finally get off take-outs and learn to prepare a legit meal. Some things just require a little push and that push is what we should be grateful for. Find beauty in the pain they say, and in the same breath, find your gift(s).

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The Roadmap to Sense…

I think I have been silent for too long on the way the government is running its affairs. For them, it may not seem to bother them, but for the rest of us, the Wanjiku, we sense a bit of incompetence. Disclaimer, I want to say that we, as citizens, know running a country is not easy, and we don’t demand perfection from your governance. That said, we are entitled to some sort of seriousness and structures in your plan for us. I don’t need to be an analyst or have some experience to see how there is disorganization in the running of the country.
Fact, there is a conflict of opinion on how things should be done. This is normal since we have different ideologies, but with other people’s lives in your hands, ‘there has to be the bigger person(s),’ rising above selfish interests. Even before we get there, we have the hierarchy of leadership in whatever docket it is; one leads the rest follow. Voicing your opinion is good, but it hinders decision making if it means the job is not getting done. You can’t derail a whole country because your voice is not factored in.
In this country, if you are a cabinet secretary, it is expected that you know your department to the core. Understanding that, it doesn’t make sense to me when you are giving recommendations that don’t solve the problem at hand. You can’t be making decisions today, then tomorrow going back on your word. I mean, this just shows the state of confusion that is looming in those offices. This is the time to prove your skills to us as a country. In this delicate time, being safe is important, but time is equally as important. Moving fast to contain the crisis is paramount to sliding it under the rag. On various ministries, the lack of accountability and continuous finger-pointing has been seen when things go wrong, justifies my concern. Putting the whole country on hold is not a permanent solution to rising above the pandemic.
With that said, if you need an expert opinion, please get it, ask for it, but it would also help if you keep us in the loop. With the various ideas coming through to tackle our predicament as a country, don’t be shutting out any possible solution to the problem just because the scheme doesn’t benefit you as the government or its leaders. Yes, we know solutions that have been presented by various organizations to solve the internet connectivity in this country but turned down due to a lack of vested interest. We just need solutions that will give long term results. The back and forth, uncertainty will only bring us steps back while we are moving forward. If it means shaking up our normal schedules, so be it. We need things to move, sitting back as we wait for things to get better is only derailing us, so get your act together. We are tired of being frustrated as citizens. A road map is what we all need to assure us we are on track.

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Need to know … Want to know!

I remember the first time being asked to dance and I replied how I didn’t know how to. His response was quite vivid, “I didn’t ask you if you did, rather if you’d like to …” and it was in this moment I knew what fear meant. It meant passing up the experience not just to live but to live boldly. The fear of making myself look like a fool on the dancefloor could have easily denied me the experience of knowing a thing or two about ballroom dancing. It is all a chance, everything in life, some well-calculated others just a leap of faith. The best way to conquer fear is with faith.

With the many people I meet, who always ask me about myself, I find it hard to answer them without them asking direct questions. Freely sharing information about who I am and what I believe might take me a bit of time, it may be, I lack the sense of trust in people or the constant reintroduction of myself may get a bit monotonous but I strongly side with the revelation made earlier, fear. You will find talking to a stranger may seem easier than a friend. My theory is most of the time the conversation with a stranger is one where you get to listen and understand what they are trying to communicate and understand their perspective on various issues without expecting him or her to like you or your opinions, having nothing at stake. But with a friend you can do the same however at the back of your mind you have to be mindful of what you say around them and their feelings towards certain issues. Walking around eggshells, managing not to break any is our daily routine.

Today I want to answer that question, what do I believe in? What you believe in strongly defines who you are, that goes without saying. I strongly believe in promises, the worth of your word. Ones that last. Promises made; between yourself and a higher being, with each other, they shape our character. There are people whose word doesn’t stand for anything in this life. Unfortunately, they are the same people who want to be part of your life’s journey. Promises are what make us have hope, that they who make them will come through in the end. Fulfilled promises build trust and the vice versa is true. Be it in your personal life, relationships with others, career development, you name it, the aspect of promise comes into play. It is through this belief I have been programmed and the world is accustomed to. However, it has cost us a lot individually and as a whole. What is your word worth?
I believe in destiny, your purpose in life. You either bloom where you are planted or find roots away from home. In it all, find what fulfils you, brings you joy, happiness, peace of mind, and above all has an impact on people around you, is my philosophy. When you find it, live it, and as you do help those who cross your path to finding theirs because one can easily get lost in the world as they search. It is okay not to know what it is, that only helps you discover and learn more of life, be open to it. Even if it means spending the rest of my life by myself, which I’d rather not, but as long as I am happy, then I am content. Would it not be amazing to share your destiny with someone else?

Finally, I believe in love. It is the only that makes all of the rest possible. Love enables you to see beyond human understanding. It may be cliché for most but for me, it is the pedestal of my livelihood. It is through it I am able to be human, get past the bad experiences and, rise above what life throws at me. By loving myself and others enough to be a decent person in society. The world needs more of it since we only know things in part and not fully, according to Paul, making us imperfect. Only love can help us to rise above our imperfection as the world.
In conclusion, I believe in the above and many more, it may not answer what many want to hear but it is part and parcel of what counts when you get to know me. We need to ask the important questions if we really need to know what is behind face value beyond what a profile says about someone. Need to know not want to know! If you resonate with me, what are some of your beliefs?

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Cancer Speaks …

I know it’s been a while since my last post, I am working on something to keep you informed and provoke your perspective on various subjects in life. Thank you to everyone who keeps up with my articles, for the shares, comments, and positive feedback, I am humbled.

Away from that, if you are reading this I am a year older and experienced if not as wise. I had been reflecting on so much for the past month leading up to my birthday. From asking: if I am in the place I wanted to be in life at this age, if my vision board had materialized, if I had the best outcome from life with various decisions I had made, and what is next for me. I choose to share some of my memorable experiences, decipher them, in terms of lessons learned.

My fondest memory from my childhood is how I was literary my mum”s handbag, we would go almost everywhere if not everywhere together. I think that a close upbringing, makes you know and appreciate the time spent with someone. Though when I went to boarding my Dad step in more and for sure we enjoyed each other’s company over the long rides in various places due to school locations and his job description. The memories in those car rides from both of them are forever engraved in my mind. For me, that kind of parent-child relationship has shaped who I am entirely. An upbringing for a first-born is different from that of a last-born, as you can clearly see, making them different in their own way. Being my biggest cheerleaders is a role they both played effortlessly and still do. They never let their relationship scars and handles come between parenting their children, one thing I admired them for. Then I started adulting, maybe earlier than most. Taking up more responsibility at a young age while putting childish ways to bed early enough. The lessons then began. Which I thank God for.

My biggest lesson includes knowing one’s position in other people’s lives. From friends to family you need to know where you are regarded in the ranking. What I mean by this, you may be overworking in your relationships with people. Showing up for them when it counts, being the one who calls in and checks up on them, dropping everything to be there for them when called upon and you don’t feel the same energy. This is a toxic trait my friend, road to self-destruction. So if you are in it, you need to pick up your kindness and dignity and put it somewhere it won’t be stamped on. You may not see it at first but you get tired eventually, I hope you gain sight before being weary. These kinds of relationships with family and friends even delay the manifestation of your goals. Some people will not want to see your breakthrough, the helping hands out here are limited. Few people want to show you the ropes on how to get ahead in careers and businesses. The people who are at the top don’t or can’t elevate you to get there, it’s unfortunate but the truth. The only solution to this is to keep doing you, your destiny helpers will meet you on the way. However, I wish we would learn to support each other more, regardless of blood, moving forward, rising above our humane nature and, live in sisterhood and brotherhood.

Money! Chasing money is exhausting, especially if it’s driven by the wrong motive. Emphasizing the li, that money is everything, that is being sold to us nowadays as young adults. This never-ending phase of adulting will make you do anything to get ahead and the unfortunate part is it is never enough. The lifestyle change or sustenance is what we all want but some things are just not worth it. For that new hair, manicure, destination travel, it is not worth it. Getting caught up in the status quo will get you depressed. Live within your means, this money will never give you peace of mind or true happiness, so some sacrifices to get it is not worth it. On this subject, also be woke on the people who you work with to get that money. Their ulterior motives can be the end of you, they say everyone has a price. The sell-outs and disrespect on these streets are real. There people who will walk over you, intimidate you to make you feel inferior and unworthy. Some people think they are entitled to things because they think without them you won’t get that financial breakthrough, beware of such characters. With money comes responsibility and discipline, draw the line to make sure you don’t become caught up in the cycle of regret. Let your money work towards your goals is one thing I have learned. Clarify the goals and get to work.

Finally, priorities need to be in check. I have learned that most of my relationships that have failed are either it wasn’t my priority or that of the other person. Don’t waste your time on things that are not on your priority list. Be it money, friendships, relationships, even your course in career development, anything that is not on your priority list will only distract you. Be vigilant with this point or you will lose your youth in confusion. This applies in goal setting as well. Don’t bite more than you can chew they tell us, so please listen.

In conclusion, celebrate those small victories since they fuel your next success. With every new year comes bigger responsibilities so style up. From my mirror to yours, you are your hugest competition, just focus on you if you need YOU to make progress. What are some of the lessons have you learned as young adults? Do share in the comment section.🍸

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LENS AT WORK.

Having the ability to see things from different perspectives is one thing that many of us are not gifted with, rigidity is what yields judgement. For me, this became clear when one of my friends used one of my past experiences to prove a habit I may have developed. Well, I am not sure if you have been in a position where a close confidant uses something you shared with them to point out your flaw, it is usually one of those below the belt comments. I was shook by the audacity they had to say something like that. Being a good listener, one who listens to how you say something, why, when, and what you didn’t say. It is with this strength I have been able to know one’s intention and sniff out disloyalty as soon as it shows up. One of the belief systems I live by is ‘Built by your Environment, Broken by its Consequence’. When I realized how profound this statement resonated with me I knew there and then you are the one who can control it.
Looking back at one of the legends, Tupac, his music was built on the environment he grew up in, the good, the bad, and the in-between. However, it was broken, stopped by its consequence, the THUG LIFE. If you look into other people’s lives that were short-lived, this is a common trend that comes into play. Now, which consequences are you willing to take you out? Being a product of your environment you need to be careful not to be consumed by other people’s views of who you are.
Many of us are told to take charge of our life and let the things that break us fuel us, but at what cost? Don’t get me wrong I am for that, provided whatever that is doesn’t leave you still losing sleep or looking over your shoulder day and night. The bad happening in the world can somehow lead one to misstep no matter how careful you try to be, but it’s upon you to forgive yourself and those who put you in such a position either knowingly or unknowingly. We need to get to a point where to heal a wound doesn’t mean opening or creating others but by shifting each others’ perspectives on how to view life.
Meaning everyone might see you differently or the same with respect to how you relate to them if you know each other, what they’ve heard about you from people who know you, or by how they were brought up to think. It’s not always black and white in this world and with that said, as an individual you need to know you can’t control the world’s view but change it. This comes from the power of knowing who you are, where, and when to draw the line on certain issues and most importantly how to live your life. If you live it right you just might get to see the changes you wanted to make.

You may not control the events that happen to you but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou. 

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Tales of the dark

Getting used to telling everyone who reaches out, you are okay with a straight face, selling the lie can easily make you even believe it. For a while it will work, you’ll even think you are out of the woods but the minute you experience a low moment, it all comes tumbling down. Some mostly have panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, and a sense of hopelessness. But for me it was just constant silence and withdrawal from people. I believe so much in positive energy that I didn’t want anyone in my circle to experience that foul vibe.
The interesting part is I had a decent way of hiding it. Funny thing about human nature, they want to be around you regardless of the fall back they may be experiencing. They just wanted to be there for me but I couldn’t let them. Most of my friends took a step back after noticing they could not help. Well it didn’t bother me at all since I wanted my personal space, but there were those who reached out, never growing weary, dropping by the house, having Wednesday breakfasts (my favorite kind of date), going on adventures and just basically being there to help me find my happy place like clockwork.
The challenge was what I was going through mentally and emotionally. As much as I tried to detached myself from feeling, I never stopped thinking of the things I never got share with him, the things he said or did that made me feel deceived, the pain and the cloud of confusion he left behind for us to glare in. In all that, the feeling that disturbed me to the core was what I had missed out on for the past three years before his departure, was he happy, who helped him transition into the digital life and what made him happy. It was like I didn’t know my father, the man I buried on that fateful day. The feeling of failure and disappointment combined can really bring you to a dark place. As if that is not enough, you are burdened with the responsibility to look out for someone else in the same situation, experiencing a different kind of hurt. Where do you even begin? Don’t get me wrong, I helped the best I could, something I can never shy away from. In all this level of confusion, I lost myself: people take that statement lightly which they shouldn’t, because when you are lost you become a slave of the world, like the wind you have a master.
The slavery is what makes you comfortable with the darkness, leading you to do things you would never be proud of. As a society we need to recognize what mental illness can cause, what it can take from you and, to just stop treating it like a spiritual attack – it is treatable and should not be feared. No more protecting the enemy of sanity in the name of conserving tradition.
In my slavery, I happened to find myself in a training bootcamp that brought back the spark on my career trail and just like that I got to recover the passion I had lost to pursuit my dreams. I was slowly gaining back control in my life. The many mentors I met, the people I talked to and shared their story with me, the books I started drowning myself in all led up to this moment, as I write this. What stood out for me in this journey is meeting a couple of my closest friends who helped me understand the barrier I had put around myself for accepting the things that had happened to define me. They gave me moral support to seek help and even speak out when I thought my voice was nonexistent. Those ears have helped me to be able bring sanity in my life and I shall be forever indebted to them. They say, the brain-stem is an organ that can hardly differentiate between the past and the present and it’s what causes post-traumatic stress, so I chose to replace those memories, however bad, with beautiful and reassuring thoughts. I got through it and so can you, just trust the process of healing. I dedicate this article to the ‘family‘ i have gained and to those who never left.

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Dust off!!

In with the new and still fighting the old. Well, I want to start off by saying, no matter how things pan out don’t tap out. Some things take time, it may; wear you down, drain you, question your decisions and not work out the first time. Keep at it if it is still your zeal to live. Don’t mistake a dead end to be the end of the road, sometimes you just need to tear down the obstacle or make a way around around it.
It’s been three years since I started publicly writing which was initially uncomfortable because of my introverted nature, your girl here loves privacy. So even the pieces I posted had to go through my scrutiny. Self-judgement is brutal, for those who do it know too well it never ends well. It even made my creativity rigid, but even with that, I was struggling with making a move forward in my life. Writing being an escape, it wasn’t working or should I say, working how it should. I quickly noticed I had to get to the root of the problem.
Battling anxiety and ‘mild’ depression (still belittling it) I would mask it with a smile. I am usually a happy person you would not know if there’s anything bothering me. And I turned to having fun as the drug that would ensure I never deal with the underlying issues. I wouldn’t want to blame anyone for this but growing up in the environment I did, there was no room for speaking up. It was business as usual and hoping things actually get back to normal, which they never did, so there I was running a race I’ll never win.
Being stuck is one of thing that gets you dreading pretty much everything, you became lost. So within this period I was a self-destructive grenade, don’t be scared, I am deactivated now, it affected every aspect of my life. The silence become so loud at times I enjoyed having a rush of adrenaline that would make me feel. Putting myself in harms way and enjoying activities that pushed the limits, nothing suicidal but close to. I soon realized the constant partying and escapes I undertook didn’t help the situation.
Fortunately, an opportunity came along which turned to be my turning point. I finally got into a space I could only focus on myself, in every way possible. During that period I had been able to gain what I had lost for the longest time, clarity and finally closure for the run around I have been having. Yes, closure over my Dad’s death and clarity on what should be next for me. Though painful and inquisitive the whole experience was, resurfacing some memories I would rather forget, it was the healing I needed.
It took me almost over two years to get my life back on track, a journey I don’t regret but one that has molded me to who I am today. With this blog, embarking on a journey of writing and hope to revive those who feel lost in the process. If you are going through any sort of loss or difficulty, trust the process, there’s no formula to these things, just keep your head held up high and reach out if you can. For those who offer that safe haven remember to just be there for them, no need to talk, just hold them more if you can and, check up on them more often. Don’t tap out just yet!

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