Serviced Loyalty

Toxic work environments are caused by people rather than buildings. The vibe that feeds off your workspace is one that determines if it’s healthy or unhealthy. I have always thought that an employer, more so, my female counterpart, who understands the struggle of building a career would ensure that their employees would not go through the same. Don’t get me wrong, I am not naive enough to assume that everyone is not constantly looking out for their best interests, but the question is, at what cost. Are we as a female species, doomed? Maybe it was my mistake to assume they understood the struggle or even that they would do better. I have come to understand that you can either love or like your job. If you are lucky, you can have both. That said, this is work, this is business, and, as long as the work you do blooms into something you appreciate, you can push on to another day. Viola! Welcome to the work environment. Even your sister is not your sister anymore.

Growing up around women, I have two sisters and so many aunties. I hardly even know all of them, their accomplishments/characters are well-known. The ladies I associate with within my circle are strong-minded and you can bank that I pick up and learn a lot from them, which even ensured that I had mum as my role model. Many say we are so much alike, I never used to see it then, however, now I do. In so many ways, I see myself in her, which makes me wonder if I will turn out to be who she is, or even half of it. The thought of it scares and comforts me at the same time. Let’s just put that aside for now.

I always thought I would never be among the many individuals who would bend around unserviced loyalty. As the saying goes, if you want loyalty, go get a dog (paraphrased). It made me wonder if I was a dog. Can we sometimes be treated like dogs? Getting treats here and there, but never receiving what you deserve.

As we marked Labour Day some weeks ago, it got me thinking that as much as the compensation issue was addressed, how many employers are willing to comply, and if they do, will it encourage employment opportunities? What happens to the working conditions of employees? Honestly, the conditions are already bad for some, if not most employees. When coupled with the trying economy, where and when should loyalty count.

Many may agree that the only way you can reward an employee is by compensating them accordingly for their time and effort, which equates to giving them proper pay. Unfortunately, this is not the case and we have to settle, especially if you are a casual laborer, starting out in your career or/and when your job description has limited opportunities. For the latter, I have learned and seen the hard way. In such conditions, what is now left is to determine where is the breaking point? How loyal can you be? How much can you stomach?

As these issues go around unresolved, the lack of support does not help. Your progressed peers are there to encourage you but it is not enough. Making matters worse, we are part of the generation that cannot stay silent under ‘oppression’, as that is what it is, asking no questions and following what has gone on for generations. Being an old soul, I have learned to strike the balance. My balance may not be your balance, so as I say, do you? Ensure you only have serviced loyalty at the workplace.

 

 

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Roll your dice ..

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Today was the first time I felt my hair in two years and two months. As I ran my fingers through it, well, a part of it that is, I could feel the length, its curls, the body had all changed, of course for the better, however, in that 3-minute excitement, I decided to have it ‘locked’ back. Those belittling phrases some of us tell ourselves passed through my mind: I wouldn’t want to destroy a good thing, which was true, natural hair is all great but the work you have to put into it is definitely not my cup of tea, at least for now. So, with my locked hair we stepped out to conquer the world as we always do. I know by now you are wondering where this story is headed, so … there are two key points.

First, it is to officially say that temporary dreadlocks can be undone after a given (long) period if you follow the set rules. This is to calm – school, all the people who are always giving their unsolicited advice on matters they clearly have no clue about. Sounds familiar? We shall revisit this point later.

The other key point is, re-pump the ball and keep playing. Well, this is not a hair review post but, if you want one let me know, I will be glad to do one. Imagine playing with a ball for 2 years and two months and not doing any maintenance on it, you will destroy it and even flatten it. Wear and tear are real. In this scenario, I took three minutes to be in awe of my hair and plan what to do next. This is when as an individual you get the opportune time to reflect, re-energize, celebrate, motivate, reward, recalibrate, strategize and plan. Time to stop and take it all in, after which you decide on what to do next. The latter is the hardest part, I can strongly relate.

One thing I have learned when I was undergoing my transition is that we have been programmed to follow instructions now while forging our own rules and path we still want to be directed, ask those who went before you if there’s hope and how they did it. That is why, if you try to play a game using a familiar playbook you will fail since it is not yours, it is not original. Some of us are too afraid to make mistakes such that they live life too cautiously, such that if they exert a different kind of pressure – deviating the normal, they think life will slip through their fingers. H_E_L_L_O !! Life is for the living so live boldly, I have learned to be comfortable with the unknown – the future but, whatever it is, I know I will be okay. Thus, make decisions confidently, run with them and, be ready to change them if need be, just be in the pilot seat. Dare to dream they say, dream big they emphasize but, I tell you, make them your own.
Now, on the initial point. Life has standard/universal rules those you cannot change, funny thing, it also applies to people. You could be doing everything right but, still want to ensure other people’s opinions are considered. Too many cooks … it is obvious some of you are not enjoying their meal in life. I am not here to tell you who and who is good or bad for your recipe, that you will have to decide on your own.

In conclusion, the time factor in all this is key, a resource we all equally have and, most valuable. When the time is right it all comes together eventually, sow and you will reap – law of nature. Mine, maybe 2-2; yours, well, only time will tell. To get to where I am in life right now, took a while, deserves to be in a book probably. However, of significance has to be the past six years. Mine was six, what is yours?

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With 5 months left to the end of the year, here are 5 things you need to know to ensure you make it into 2022.

Insecurity is on an all-time high.

First of all, trust NO-ONE. I repeat, NO-ONE. The common cases of kidnappings, cold and vengeful murders, assaults, violence, …  you name, have proven it is a new pandemic unraveling. Personally, I can barely lower my guard, which is exhausting BTW. Always wondering if today is my turn. The worst thing is you may even just be a victim of circumstance, wrong place – wrong time, ignorance, and choice. Therefore, until this “unnatural spirit” that is hovering around us has been tamed, stay on guard and be alert.

No Rule of Law

This point needs no introduction, it was something happening on the low for the longest time, but now, the little ounce of shame that was left is out the window. Justice is quite evasive in this country; plus, the mental, emotional, financial, and even physical drain it causes while seeking it, can be pricier than the outcome. With that said, choose your struggle: know the law, avoid breaking the law, if you break it have the intent to pay the price, if you are a victim of it, try to avoid standard procedures and seek alternatives (settling out of court), it may be unorthodox, but in these times, it is your best bet.

Bonding Time

Your family and friends are instrumental in your life, they can either break or make you. So, make sure you are in the right circle first. Thereafter, intentionally allocate time to build your bond. If you haven’t attended a funeral, over the past 7 months of anyone you know or used to know, then you are one of the lucky few. Such times remind you how you need to dial your phone, drop that text, arrange for that coffee date, and just check in with people. No eulogy or tribute will equate to spending time with those you love and care about.

Have a bucket list

These are the things you intend to do before the year ends. Make the list fun, simple and achievable. From the hustle and bustle of life, you need to make the most out of your life. The list gives you the motivation to work and gives you hope about tomorrow, which is key in pushing on in this life.

Try it all

If you are in-between work, going through a transition, discovering, and rediscovering yourself try to jump into new opportunities that come your way. Not only will it give your life a sense of adventure but also widen your outlook on life. Honestly, it will also kill time as you build on your experience before you get your next solid gig.

 

What’s in your survival handbook?

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Falling Apart vs Apart we fall

They say the more you go through something, the more you become better equipped to handle it. Thinking about it, this is actually not far from the truth for me neither was it for Bri. All she wanted was a hug at this moment in time from anyone warm enough to give it but she knew that was not going to happen. Tears rolled down her cheeks, tears filled with hurt, hurt that was there because she had a heart, she cared. She knew this would soothe her to sleep and by tomorrow she would wake up with a new perspective on her life. It seemed to work, it had been tried, tested, and proven. As I said experience … Read more

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The Power of Waiting

Thoughts come easy, but expressing them is harder than most people would admit. However, we take the risk regardless. Sharing comes with its risk and as they say, fortune favours the bold. Being bold enough to step out of situations and step into others, probably to get to a point where you will pat yourself on the back and say,” That, paid off.” Which is all each of us wants at the end of the day. The hard truth is, it never goes right every time, so what then? At least as we start the year, let’s focus on what fuels risk for rewards.

I do not want to sound like I have it figured out, which honestly, I don’t, but I am here to share that the roadmap has many paths to that destination, to that which you seek. The art of patient endurance is a phrase that is mostly reiterated in a religious setting. A phrase that may seem familiar but in hindsight all too foreign. Yes, foreign, in such a way that in the midst of practising endurance, you will not lose sight of the bigger picture, by being patient. Endurance, in my book, is having a thick skin, to match up against any difficult situation you are faced with, while patience is the ability not ever throw in the towel regardless of how hard it gets. Then the question will be, can you do with one without the other?

Yes, you can, but you will never be a match to the one who has them both. As humans, we have limits to how much one can endure, and it comes with experience. I don’t expect one who has slept hungry at one point in life to have the same reaction to unemployment with one who knows no job loss. Therefore, it is true to say that throughout the years, resilience has been built, despite the bumps and potholes we all have endured in our path. Even in the smallest way, we have been refined and remodelled to be able to make it this far. With that said, many have opted for the easy way out while others have broken through the barriers and however it ended up for you, be proud of the accomplishments made. For those who broke through or still fighting to get through, then this piece is for you especially.

We have many times thought of taking the easy way out when it comes to the challenges in our day to day life but its cost is what makes us not. I know if you are reading this having experienced the easy way out, then you are resonating with this. The thrill that comes with beating the odds, those impossible situations, is what fuels the patience you require in life to let not those situations get to you. The situations get under your skin if you let them. The question is how don’t you let them? It’s easy, have faith in yourself and more so God. Remember everything is made perfect in its time, its something you can’t rush. This is where trusting the process comes in, a tedious road but worthwhile.

In the end, if you patiently work on your mission, vision, task, just something, it is bound to yield fruit. While at it, if you are doing it right then the outside forces won’t bother you, they will remain unseen, unattended to. The lion does not concern himself with the opinions of a sheep. A quote which I heard and still lingers in my mind when I do everything I do, so should it do the same for you. All this is possible if you have a purpose, by remaining driven. The true weakness for an assignment is in its lack of roots.

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The Art of being a Doormat

I have tasted disrespect and its just about the only thing I cannot tolerate from any human being, more so a man. Women are toxic as well even among our circles as ‘girlfriends’ we know them. No matter how subtle both genders show it, let’s acknowledge we have come across it one way or another. Back to the statement made at the beginning, I know there are some of you who are already drawing some conclusions so let me indulge you. Being one who has a likeable personality, you tend to attract a vibe that most people can associate with, the downside to it is when you are trying to detach from a rotten bunch, it goes south really fast.
I wouldn’t consider myself petty but how you treat someone says a lot about you. From how you address them, to how you act around them should show some ounce of respect. For me, it was for a whole five minutes and in those minutes, I was reduced to nothing, consumed by nothing but spite for the person who put me in that position. His insecurity had not only put a wedge in our relations but also cut skin deep. Then after those minutes, I finally got back to my senses and walked away. As I made the call to one of my closest friends so that I could vent out and try to make sense of how I got there, I couldn’t help but shed a few tears. I was constantly blaming myself for putting myself in such a situation. The nothing-ness and lack of value that was portrayed on me kept replaying in my mind as I narrated the story to Trina.
“Hello Trina, can you imagine Ty just called me a whore and gold-digger? He raised his hand about to hit me …” I said as I sobbed seated at the lobby couch at 3 am in the morning. “He did what, are you okay? How could he? Are you safe? Should I come pick you …” Trina asked on the other side of the line as the hotel attendant came over with a cup of camomile tea while offering his assistance to see if I needed anything else. We chatted on the phone for over an hour as Trina talked me out of making some rush decisions but the only thing in my mind as I walked back to the hotel room, was that we were done. As I took a shower to freshen up and get rid of the foul feel from a great night out that turned sour, I slowly plotted subconsciously how I would walk out on this fling, since I couldn’t call it a relationship over the four months, we had been together. Clearly, there was a lot I didn’t know about him and I wasn’t ready to sit back and find out the rest. Have you ever laid next to someone who you resented? Don’t ever want to be in that position.
At midday, I woke up and, packed ready to leave when he walked in having the case of amnesia acting as nothing happened. He blamed his behaviour on being intoxicated but as you can tell so far, I couldn’t sweep it under the rug, true or not, my mind was made up. I left not even wanting an apology but with me in control. He tried to reach out, apologize, and even send our mutual friends to intervene but I wouldn’t have it. Don’t get me wrong I forgave him but I didn’t want him back in my life. Knowing what I know and what he is capable of, I wouldn’t want to feel powerless again or have someone who thinks my worth is governed by money. The events that followed may have been me retaliating but that’s a story for another day.
To wrap it up, all I have to say is disrespected or not, you can’t surround yourself with people who think very little of you and leave you questioning who you are to the world and your worth. There are things we struggle for in this life, others we have to take by force but in it all, you cannot be reduced to a doormat, that is a personal decision. Regardless of the situation, always mind your language with those around you. Don’t be a person who thinks after talking, making others your doormat. If you’d like to share your experience or hear what the guys have to say on this hit up the comment section or any of my contacts, it’s a free country.

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Dear Adrian …

Do you believe in belonging to someone having not met them? Feeling you can easily talk to a stranger because you don’t have to overexplain yourself. For those who have experienced, it can attest to the ease one has around them. The group of people or a person who you click with, understanding each other’s point of view because you share it too. This is what May had found with Adrian and his small, neat ‘family’. Over a period of exchanging letters that communicated the ideas they shared in life over art collection and books, it was clear they had to meet. Put a face to the words that depicted a renowned individual and a story of how a dinner could birth a decade bond. May as an art collector, her interests were what crossed paths with Adrian, a young man who was part of an art club that took time every week to discuss the message various artists tried to communicate through their talents. On that Friday morning, having flown in from London to be part of one their meetings, felt like the home she had been searching for, May could not hold the excitement as she shared her thoughts about Rembrandt art pieces especially the one that was center stage in the gallery, ‘The woman taken in adultery’. The description brought to the floor during the club meeting really impressed the members especially Adrian.
That whole week May took the time to understand the history of the world Adrian had groomed in and why they started the club. She got to discover, initially, it was a way to take their mind from the war happening around them but later it brought them closer than being neighbours who knew each other by name. It was from the chaos that true friendship was born and having stumbled upon a book with her address in it was the beginning of their worlds clashing. During her art collection journey, she had definitely learned a thing or two from the likes of Picasso which was what helped her come up with a piece to add in her studio from her adventures in Vermont. As she drew inspiration from a piece of their life story, she felt a connection regardless of being from totally separate worlds. Even with the constant communication with her fiancé, it was not the same. Having postponed her wedding more than twice you’d think she would have figured out her heart was somewhere else, let alone her not wearing the engagement ring as accustomed.

She soon went back to London for work but she could never shake off the feeling that filled her in Vermont as she sat through the club meetings she attended from the talk of masterpieces to the reading of the same. The sound of the ocean waters hitting the cliff was like a soothing lullaby in the busy city life she was used to. With her free time, she would spend it with John, her fiancé, in ballroom gatherings which sometimes made her feel out of place. Though dancing was her second love, she didn’t seem to move to the beat just right. In time she quickly realized things were no longer the same, it was time for her to live her truth and it meant ending it with John. She knew her shared love was for the time they spent not the person he was, and the latter is where Adrian fit like a glove. She later finished the painting she had started working on in her time in Vermont and for the first time wanted it viewed by someone else other than her studio walls. As she mailed it to Adrian and his club, she could not help but accompany it with a letter expressing her time with them and the change they had on her. It read,

To Caleb, Josey, Christopher, Phoebe, and Adrian, first I would like to say I am sorry. If you are reading this, I would like to thank you. For a spark was lit during our encounter. First, I am sorry for my deafening silence and unceremonious departure. I would like to say work had chained me but it was the wandering of the mind that kept me from reality. Seemed like I had left a part of me with you. London had truly made me forget the way art initially made me feel and why I took it up fulltime. That nostalgic feel came back to me, even for my personal life, I had to rethink my life choices and choose happiness. Our time together really reminded me of what we too forget to seek in life, fellowship, and true happiness around us. It is from your kind of bond that courage is borne; to push on in life, to stand when the ones who may not understand your journey try to faze you, and to move on and have faith when things seem impossible. It is from your shared sour gin that sweet memories reside and that’s all one can want in life. The club defined for me what sacrifice means for the people you love. I know it is not a story for me worth telling but it is one I needed to share. I hope this painting does describe a snippet of your lives, all of you, do with it as it may. Your rich history deserves a place in the world of art. With me being able to put my work out there I hope you get to share your history with the world one day. Until our paths do cross again, may those weekly meetups continue flourishing your bond.

Yours,
May.

Have you had that kind of belonging in life yet?

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Unnecessary Tears

Laying on the operation table was Sally, digesting the news that had been communicated to her by the doctor. She kept replaying how excited she was earlier that morning about how well the procedure would turn out bringing back so sort of normalcy to her life. What followed was only natural, the shock, the disappointment, and the blame especially why she didn’t avail herself earlier. The trail of thought was interrupted by the examination lamp being turned off and the assisting nurse informing her to head to the doctor’s office. After sitting across from the doctor and listening to the various options that would salvage the situation accompanied by the costs involved barely making sense of how she let it get this far. Roughly ten minutes later she only had one question to ask, “how long do I have?”
You would think this question was from the need to know, how much she needed to scramble up to pay the foreseeable bill, how long the options were viable so that she could discuss the way forward with her husband or even the consequences if nothing was done but in this case, she needed time to process things. Everything was spinning out of her control. The moment she left the premises, her first call was to her best friend letting her know she was on her way. She knew at that particular moment it was her kind of vibe that would ease the burden, for her family would only escalate the worry. All she wanted was to catch her breath. We all have that person who when you meet up, talk and, things seem not as dire.
Tani, Sally’s best friend knew from the tone of her voice her friend was being beaten while still down. It should be noted that Sally was not having things going her way for a while now. As a glass of wine was served by Tani in that awkward silence, Sally reached into her bag, removed her phone, placed it on the table facing Tani, and took a sip of the wine, waiting to see her friend’s reaction. “This is quite a list you’ve got”, Tani commented as she went through it. Sally had made a list of the things that she thought would have been handled better leading up to this moment in time. The what-ifs statements are our biggest demons in life and just as Tani told Sally how the list revealed the inner battles she had been having and it was time to let them go by forgiving herself on how the events on that list unraveled, so will I tell you today.
Regardless of what the list entails, we have to be familiar with it and forgive ourselves for what you did or didn’t do. Dwelling on it will only open up room for self-condemnation but with letting go and accepting things with the mindset of learning from them. Be it the good or the bad that has happened don’t feel tied down to the actions you did or didn’t do since at that moment in time that was your viable option. On Sally’s list, she highlighted how her selfless and understanding nature had cost her two solid albums and a grand tour. Her career was literally hanging on a balance. She blamed putting her family needs before hers but when asked if she would have done anything differently, she said no. This was because she had finally realized during that period of sacrifice what she initially wanted out of life and the minor mishaps in life shouldn’t define or phase her, but only remind her to stay focused on the things ahead. Yes, maybe things would have been better if she did things differently but it would have hosted her something else. For her being a renowned star would never come close to the family she had built.
Don’t let foregone choices bear a place in your life or the aftermaths of them make you feel inadequate. We are products of our choices and that is a responsibility on its own. How many pity parties will you hold before you realize that the world does not owe you anything, magnifying your misfortunes doesn’t solve the issue at hand because no one cares and if they do, you are still the one in control. Knowing how to pick up yourself fast enough when you fall, being present in the moment and not letting things that happened or will happen to make you lose momentum takes practice. The time to start is now since the worst and the best is yet to come and as I have been told, the trees are only as strong as the wind.

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THE WALK
  1. “You exhibit so much strength MY DAUGHTER, such is of its kind. I am proud of you!” These are the words that stood out of my conversation that day. It was said to me many times throughout the wakes that week but on this particular day, it captured my attention. Maybe it was the fact that it was finally unveiling right before my face that he was no longer around and it was no bad dream as I perceived before. Holding back the tears, I smiled and bid him goodbye as soon as he was done sharing his heartfelt opinions which I normally didn’t like paying attention to since most of the time he was under the influence. After that I walked away and for sure the thought went with the passing of that moment since I didn’t want to dwell so much on it, there were enough things to worry about at that point in time. Strength is one of those traits that you are either born with or develop out of the tuffs you come across in your life, guess mine came from the latter but however it did, it’s the only thing that has kept
    me moving. As the dust settled and the car disappeared into the horizon, it’s when I felt peace set in, my heart lighter for some reason and a smile covering my face. It was weird at first but somehow I thought to myself he was the kind of saint that I needed to remind me I was on the right path.
    Well, people have been asking me to speak up since 2nd of July 2017, time does fly, and (55 days) that span of time took away my voice, but never the occasional smiles and heavy tears. Losing someone has never been a big deal, since we are all headed there anyway, but when it hits close to home especially unexpectedly, it gives you an uncertain unrest that no one can understand; unless they have walked in your shoes. The loss of my dad, the man who always gave me the zeal to fight for what I wanted in life like he did, the hope and the faith that he possessed made anything you set your mind to achievable, made me lose all foresight that was within. I remember after I received the call that he had passed on, I just held onto the window grills not wanting to let go maybe it was a way for me to hold on to that little part that was left of him or I was holding onto a part of me in him I didn’t want leaving. Regardless, ever since I have been searching for a replacement, or the lost piece to my life’s puzzle, whichever that fits in well and hurts less probably. With time it dawned on me; that some things just require a little patience and an expectant heart to drive you through the darkest corners in your life, knowing that in the end everything will settle into place and that emptiness you feel will be soon refilled.
    People handle grief differently, however you’ll have to deal with it in your own terms. I slowly learnt that grief is all the love you want to give but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. GRIEF is basically love with no place to go. It tears you apart if you don’t face it, in this area, there is no manual in the world that can help ease the pain, or prepare you for it, and you’ll just have to figure it out on your own. It is not easy but it is necessary for your growth, you will think about what could have been, what you did wrong and, even the watery eyes will be an occasional experience; but acceptance will take you a long way with easing the unrest. Such emotions can take a toll on you, for me I believe the constant support from friends and family can bring you solace. The constant visits reminds you that you are never alone, the wonderful laughs helps you to keep the positivity around your life, the prayers; I cannot begin to tell you how they have given me peace, strength and hope. This might sound cliché to most of you, but I thank God for every person who came out to make the journey a little easier; because I remember every time I could shut my eyes to talk to Marana, I just shed tears not being able to utter a word. I could not even stand being involved in a conversation with anyone about him without developing a heavy heart or watery eyes. However I remember a piece of myself keeping the faith all through, not shedding tears in the mass gatherings, in front of my friends and family. It was like for a moment I felt in control, knowing I had to be strong for my mum and family just like dad would have wanted, in those moments I saw the grace of God in my life; in that trying time, He never left my side as promised and I will be forever grateful.
    I guess as the man on the road said to me, I was handling everything well, regardless of the heavy heart I carried, the Lord gave me strength beyond measure that was seen by the world even when I could not see it. He didn’t shame me to those who wanted me to be crawling at my darkest hour, instead he
    elevated the personality that dwelled in me that helped in the healing process for both my family and I. I am still on the walk but I trust I will be fine. Keep the faith my friend.
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