What could have been? A question we like tormenting ourselves with. It got me thinking as humans who are capable of letting themselves feel, can being single become too comfortable. Is it okay to be comfortable and when should you know you are slipping into that phase or rather when are you ready to get back out there? Let’s get a little narration out of the way …
Going into almost three years of not being in a serious and functional relationship, I feel like things are just working out fine. Don’t get me wrong, the previous relationship was really working out but when grief became part of it, I felt like it was a prison for my significant other and we had to call it quits,or however it went. In this new phase, I feel like you are in control of the decisions you are making and you need not run it by anyone or second guess how anyone else will be affected by it. Being able to commit your time to doing things that work and serve you, freedom as we like to call it most of the time. The part that I find ‘convenient’ is, your decisions, actions and lifestyle is only answerable to self. This is addictive and fulfilling for most people and especially for me. However, recently I asked my friends over brunch if they have been in this situation and if any of them had managed to get themselves out of it. I got some sound and interesting responses, I kept having this discussion all week and well let’s get into it.
Let’s agree that there is comfort in being single. How do you know ‘if it’s safe to wear red?’ For me and most of the responses I got, the time one is single you get to learn a lot about yourself and outlook on life. This is the time, personal growth is exponential and if done right you get to understand your strengths, weaknesses, triggers, perspective on life and how to become whole. By being whole you learn to survive and get clarity on how you want your life to pan out. Well if you are not in this path then, you need introspection. Then after all this, how do you know you are ready for the next phase, getting back in the scene?
From my personal experience and survey this is the difficult part, knowing you are ready to date again. This is dependent on how your past experience was in those relationships, and if you still have that leap of faith. If you have not found closure from the past ‘brick wall(s)’ then you need to deal with that first since that’s the only way you will find mental and emotional healing which makes you available for the dating scene. If you are past this part you are halfway there to being ready, you have done most of the heavy lifting. As my favorite quote says, don’t let the past define you, destroy you or defeat you, let it strengthen you. Second, you are ready when you are willing to share your personal space, in terms of time, mind, heart, soul; investment requires guarantee. Guess this is self explanatory. Lastly, are you actively looking for prospects? If you are, then this article is not for you. Being out there trying to find your soulmate has to be intentional not accidental.
To wrap it up, you are never fully prepared for anything but the moment you start making the first steps, then progress will be attained eventually. Do you think YOU are ready?