,

We Met Again💃

This is finally it…


I dreamt about her!
I saw her… felt her.
I live for those days.
This may actually qualify as one of my favorite days.
You should have seen me in the morning all excited.


I have not felt such a warm embrace like that. Meeting again, and all I felt was pure joy. It was so surreal. I remember the most part of the dream, but that moment… That alone is the sign I had waited for, the embrace and reassurance that she was still my person. That hug, my oh my, fueled me with the love for the next decade probably, and that smile lit something special in me.


My human nature, of course, took me back to a year ago, and all I remember is laughter and celebrating my long-awaited breakthrough and hers as well. We talked about everything. Funny thing her life seemed more interesting than mine at the time—imagine a seasoned retiree, who never stopped working, had eventful days compared to a young baddie pushing limits in the corporate world. That we have in common is pushing limits. I use ‘have’ because even today as she rests, she is still reminding me to push the limits with the joy that it will all pan out.


I have a lot to share on how grieving the greatest woman in my life has been. What a better way to start than remembering she lives on.


Before the dream interpreters flood the stage and Google tries to explain to me what just happened, I will smile and remember; I felt her, and it lit me up. We met again.


So, for today, I just want to encourage those going through a similar path to lean in. Lean in to those memories, those hopes for the future and what could never be. Feel it all until all that is felt is gratitude and love.


I miss you, mom. 

/2 Comments/by

Don’t Kill me – As I am drowning

Choosing you is not difficult
It may weigh on me sometimes
But it is not difficult.
I may be drowning
But I would still choose to save us
Us, because you are what I want
Now, in the present
Then, in the past
Hopefully, in the future.

Hard to understand why I wouldn’t call as often
Walk with you every time you needed me to
However, when it’s said and done
I would still show up for you, always
I don’t have to prove it
Because you know it.

To keep life
To ensure the flowers blossom
The river never dries
And the wind doesn’t throw dust on our faces

I ask for one thing
Consciousness …

Is for you to be wise
Wiser to understand when to nudge
And not shove
Is for you to be intuitive
Intuitive to gauge what is underlying the face
Is for you to know me
Enough to strike the
Even when I am handling the imbalance gracefully
Enough to feel my weight
Even when I insist to help out with theirs.

I love as hard as I resent
Don’t flick the switch
By being unconscious
Because I chose to love you consciously.

Please do too.

/0 Comments/by

Part 2: What Mama Never Told You.

In case you missed part 1 – https://sippingoncocktails.co.ke/2022/08/25/what-mama-never-told-you/, I got you. If you are already caught up, let’s get straight into it.

 

  1. The world is operating on a faulty balance, but you get what you deserve.

Yap. Life is unfair. Better get used to it, but the good news is, it has its own way of balancing things out. You just have to trust you are on the right path and do what you have to do to (using this phrase loosely) meet your goals. A smooth path is not guaranteed, but you will get to where you are meant to go. Focus on your purpose. This leads to my next exciting point.

  1. There is no fixed way of doing things.

Man, the roadmap is determined by you. You decide the route you want to take. You can listen to opinions and pieces of advice, but you have the final say on how you want to go about things. This is a new generational mindset that, trust me, will conflict with older folks. Get the deliverables in life when you are ready to secure them. The timelines and dates to achieve these life deliverables are influenced by your needs, your maturity, your resources, and, more importantly, your goals. So, if you want a family first, then a career later, or children first, then financial freedom later—or vice versa—by all means, get what is yours. Don’t waste your time explaining your paths if you have clearly mapped them to work for you.

  1. The definition of success evolves daily.

Your perspective of success changes each time you fail. Your perspective on success changes each time you have new experiences. It even narrows down to the season you are in. You will notice that your definition of success has changed over time, and your life plays an integral role in making sure of this. You are fortunate if you have attained the levels of success you desired in the past and, more importantly, if you are content with the present results.Every now and then, allow yourself to redefine what success looks like to you every now and again.

  1. Life is hard.

I know you are all honestly nodding at this. If you didn’t know, now you know. It may probably explain why you never get things right the first time. But this should not be discouraging but somewhat reassuring since it’s universal and everyone experiences that “hardness” at some point. The bad news is that you have to choose the kind of hard you can tolerate. So, when someone tells you that you had it easy, excuse their naiveté and pat yourself on the back, knowing that your (and every) choice comes at a cost and with effort. Don’t bother explaining yourself.

  1. Your partner is not your crutch.

This one is it. Yes, I know I don’t talk about this part of my life. That may change. But since I am here, don’t make a crutch out of your partner. Honestly, this is why most “‘ships” fail, especially relationships. Life is already hard enough. Why would you want to make it harder for the person you share your intimate moments with? Let’s define a crutch, anything or anybody that takes up the function of a part that is not fully or partially working. If you allow your partner to hold such a position, I guarantee you, they will pack up and leave. Supporting someone is different from crutching for someone. In particular, if you have a nurturing or caring personality, it may be harder for you to spot such people, but stay clear of them. They will suck the life out of you. Everyone needs to put in the work. The proportion can be discussed among yourselves. Don’t fall into a parenting role in a relationship.

/6 Comments/by

What mama never told you…

Intro

There were survival nuggets planted in us as children. I am sure some of you have encountered phrases like “don’t talk to/accept anything from strangers” and even towards adulthood, the phrases evolved to “this is your life; avoid group mentality.” In our adulthood, these nuggets have become increasingly scarce in certain instances and more plentiful in others. In the scarcity, I assumed maybe the conditions and times had changed, which is justifiable, as they are not relatable and totally left us “unequipped.”

Let me take you back a bit.

In Kikuyu, Mama… Maitu is derived from Ma… itu, our truth. That’s where the origin of our truth comes from. Over time, we are forced to find our truth by questioning what we have learned. However, she will still be your reference point as she will continue to be your mother, never aging or changing.

So, then we have to search for our truth eventually. You’ll be damned if you choose to be lazy in this part of your life. The adulting phase has no blueprint per se; you just wing it until you get it right, and survive while at it. If you are here, in this phase, or just over the age of 18, then this is what your mother never told you.

  1. You will second-guess every decision you make until you are satisfied that it was the best decision you could have made. This applies to all aspects of your life.

I did this with my first job as an engineer. Let me tell you, every day I woke up asking myself if this is it. Is this what it actually entails? Is this all there is? If there is more, how do you explore and be able to settle for your professional calling? More than a year down the line, I am still facing more questions, but at this age, it’s my resilience and tenacity that matter. That is what molds your decisions into tangible results.

 

  1. You will learn that humans, you, are constantly evolving.

The things you loved a year ago have just stopped being them. The people you could spend weekends with are just strangers. We are allowed to evolve, choose a different path, be in another season, and do what makes us happy. It doesn’t mean you loathe any of it. It means your priorities have shifted and your energy is better focused on them. It may be a painful process at first, but it is necessary for growth. There is nothing worse than doing the same thing as before and expecting different results.

 

  1. The world is operating on a faulty balance, but you get what you deserve.

To continue …

 

/4 Comments/by

Outside but In

Amani means peace. This was one of the frequent responses I received from her.
Everyone must have a ‘her’ in their life and in my case I have more than one. First, before I start on this article, I would like to dedicate this piece to my friend, my student, my distant ‘mum’, our peace, may she continue resting.

Read more

/2 Comments/by

HER

I have never told you this before but I have never been more in love with you than I am right now. I may not say it as often as I should, however, today I will shout it out for the whole world to hear. Yes, you, the most incredible, one-of-a-kind, human being to walk this earth, I am in awe of you. I met you when you were a lover of life and then as time went by and moments defined you you morphed into this breathtaking aura that no one can miss. You become exceedingly beyond my imagination could lead and for that, I know you shall indeed command more than me but everything else you come across. You are that force, my force. I may love you more but it doesn’t take from the fact I can love the world correctly.

/1 Comment/by

Blue but bleeds Red

Well, I know we each have had an unpleasant encounter with the authorities, I surely did at a tender age, with all my naivety, something that made me vow to stay educated on matters of safety when it comes to the officers of the law. So today, I will share a few tips given to me by my dear friend, Rhoda, who is a lawyer – thank you for contributing to this platform. These are but the basics, and I would love for you to share your thoughts and experiences on matters related to any encounter you’ve had (no judgment here) as well as lessons learned from such relations.

First, let’s get schooled.

Our rights during arrests and offenses:

  1. Rights during arrest
  • Right to be promptly informed of the reasons for arrest
  • Right to conditional release before being brought into police custody
  • Right to remain silent
  • Privilege against self-incrimination
  • Right to privacy- with respect to instances which the police might seek to search
  • Right to be informed of one’s rights

 

What happens when an individual’s rights are violated during an arrest?

Aside from the Constitutional backing whereby a claim for violation of article 49 rights can be pursued under article 22., there is also subsidiary legislation which is the National Police Service Act provides for;

  1. The compensation of persons injured as a result of unreasonable, excessive, and disproportionate use of force during an arrest.
  2. This also covers compensation of claimants where the force results in a fatality, and
  3. The cases are reviewed by an administrative body and claimants may seek compensation in an ordinary civil suit.

 

How to identify police:

Ideally, Police Officers should have an identity card that provides information on their rank and post, however, I do not think that this is happening in practice.

The problem with the lack of identity documents is those police officers can at times carry out arrests in civilian clothing and this carries the challenge of exploitation by unscrupulous citizens.

 

What should happen at remand and jails?

Under the CPC, arrested persons can only be detained at a gazetted police station, which includes a police post and an administration police post normally situated in remote localities.

The National Intelligence Service Act authorizes secret-service officers to detain an arrested person temporarily in their offices.

Detention of arrested persons for offenses under the Penal Code e.g. theft, murder, etc. must always be under the supervision and jurisdiction of a police officer designated by law.

 

2. Rights at remand/jail:

  • Prohibition of arbitrary or unlawful detention
  • Right to be presumed innocent until proven guilty
  • Right to be promptly charged or released
  • Right to conditional release
  • Right to be promptly brought before a judge
  • Right to remain silent
  • Privilege against self-incrimination
  • Right to communicate- with either/both family and legal representatives
  • Right to legal representation
  • Right to an interpreter
  • Right to be separated from different categories of arrested persons especially for child offenders
  • Right to safe custody
  • Right to humane conditions of detention
  • Right to be informed of one’s rights

 

Community policing

It is an approach that transfers the focus of safety and security of the society from the responsibility of the Police to a collaborative partnership between the community and the police.

The common community policy is the Nyumba Kumi initiative anchored at the household level to aid in the prevention of crime, however, it has yet to be successful in Kenya and this can be attributed to the fact that it’s a concept borrowed from socialist countries and unlike in Tanzania which is founded on the Ujamaa philosophy there lacks a proper foundation for it here in Kenya.

Pros:

Police Force supported by the community and capable of arresting insecurity can have a far-reaching impact in enabling a lasting economic, social, and political development.

Cons:

There lies the need to reform the Police organization, re-orienting their shoddy public image and improving their service delivery, which means facing daunting political, financial, logistical, and historical obstacles.

 

What do we need to know?

Aside from knowing your rights as a citizen, you need to;

  1. Know the rights, duties, and obligations of a police officer- to keep them accountable
  2. Dispute resolution methods available
  3. Keep a lookout for Arrest and Detention rules: check the National Police Service Act.

 

One of my biggest concerns with police officers is identification, we need to get to a point where any citizen can look up and verify their details on the spot. It’s just safer for all parties.

What’s your biggest issue with law enforcement?

 

Aiming to educate, learn and share.

/2 Comments/by