The Last Kick

As she lay on the floor, hoping she had not sustained any injuries, only one thought was in her mind, “This can’t be the rest of my life.” She gathered her strength and got off the ground as the car drove off. Gina dusted her sides as she tried to figure out how to get home past curfew, no taxi services were working at the time. When she headed to the gate and see if the watchman had some ‘connections’ on how to solve her predicament, she heard a familiar voice call her name which made her look back, and there he was, Frank, staggering his way towards her. He had been her date that night. She aborted her mission and tried to get to him, sat him on a chair at the lounge area so he could figure out if he was alright. No visible bruises on the man’s face just roughed up knuckles, which was a relief for her. Frank got into a scuffle with the ‘animal’ (he can’t afford a name, he shouldn’t be walking among us even), who had manhandled her, in the name of defending my honour. It may be noble but it didn’t change what happened. At least in his drunken state, he couldn’t feel the pains he had sustained, if any, so she advised him to stay put as she sorted out a ride home. Eventually, Gina was able to get her friend and herself home. However, as she reflected on what she could have done differently and the culprit trying to apologize, one thing she knew, no matter who you are with and how careful you are, it was something out of anyone’s control.

Gina’s story is one of the many that most of us can relate with, either personally or by association with one who has gone through it. You head out with your pals for a good time, meet other people, who you know or your pals do, and hang out with but then when they have passed their limit their true colours show. It maybe confrontations, physical abuse, or even emotional, but it is in those moments many have developed scars. However, we have normalized or made it okay for people to behave in such a way in the name of being intoxicated. Unless, it becomes fatal but even then, many will shrug it off.

GBV by definition is any form of violence directed at a person based on their gender, can be physical, sexual, verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse, threats, coercion, and economic or educational deprivation, done in public or private. From this definition, I would like to draw focus on how these acts are prevalent when drugs and alcohol abuse is involved, based on a study carried out in Cape Town, South Africa. This is a challenge that cuts across everywhere. Most people who have this disease running through them have underline issues and when sober they don’t have that ‘superiority’ that comes with being buzzed. It is in those moments they feel the need to let that pride reign, that ego to get lose and the moment anyone who threatens to question that ‘safe and untouchable’ space they retaliate to show dominance.

In the African setting many experiences it at home, most choose to stay because they either justify it as being a moment of weakness for the oppressor or being normal as part of their upbringing. In a corporate setting, most people choose to be silent about it as a show of strength (I can handle it mentality) or they want to maintain harmony with everyone in the office. Contrary to popular belief, 95% of women go through or have gone through it, and how they have handled it has shaped who they are at this moment in time. If you think back, how often you have encountered these acts, you’d be surprised how often it is and the fact that the society has normalized it in the entertainment joints and the law has failed to work to curb the situation in all these settings has left the women vulnerable.

Gina shared her story with me hoping to get a solution and maybe even confirm if she was indeed a victim. I remember her words, “I don’t care how drunk he was, him throwing me out his car, physically manhandling me, is no excuse. I hope he gets what’s coming to him. I could have easily died.” The sense of bitterness and helplessness that I felt in her words is something I wouldn’t wish on any human being. She is past it, but it doesn’t guarantee it will never happen again and that is what we as feminists are trying to avoid. Gina was lucky since she could walk away in one piece but others don’t have that privilege. It is each and every person’s responsibility to make sure we are knowledgeable enough to end the victim and oppressor narrative in the society by normalizing calling out our friends and family who make us or others feel unsafe. Always looking over your shoulder is a life no one should live. It is our nature as human beings to be humane and if we part from those ways, it only makes us animals, just like those in the jungle.

GBV is something that affects us directly or indirectly, with that said, let’s just make sure we can lessen the frequency if not curb the issue. The mindset of normalizing violence in our life is not something we should take lightly, a discussion that should be had by all. Say No to GVB and no to violence of any form.