Cost of Conformity

Call me crazy but in a hushed tone, call me unworthy in your small circles but since you are not aiding me in any way, then mind your business. These are but the few thoughts that came to mind when I recall how Greg narrated a horrendous encounter to me. However, till this very minute, I keep wondering how can we prevent such uncouth acts from being socially acceptable. Rick may have survived but the scars he carries have forever rewritten his fate.
Our mutual friend Rick was just but a victim of this menace the society had created. Mostly due to lack of knowledge, growing egos but more so secrecy. In a society that prides itself on beliefs and culture, you can imagine the lengths they would go to to protect its existence. It may seem harmless at first but one thing is for sure the consequences never fail to make their presence known.
Growing up Rick was a normal kid, normal as they come. All the boxes were checked but growing up in an unconventional family back then was not common. Definitely, it affected him but never did it make him shy away from living a normal life at the very least. Fast forward to his young adult life, it all started well, bagging the degree, finding a nice girlfriend if not the rare love that many talk about, and living a comfortable life. These new and exciting experiences did not mask the fact that his family had issues that no one bothered to talk about openly even amongst themselves. This secrecy and lack of knowledge on why his mother left, why the father had different personas especially after his late-night drinking, and why there was so much violence in the house, never bothered him, as they say, whatever you don’t know won’t hurt you.
A couple of years later, as he was about to father his first son, all hell broke loose. We started seeing Katie, Rick’s girlfriend have bruises and her bubbly-self was clearly on a vacation. We tried to enquire why there was a dark cloud hanging over the couple’s shoulder after their excitement of being parents and Katie revealed that our friend had not been himself. As part of the bro code, the guys had a sit-down with him to understand what was going on. Let’s just say that’s how our monthly Sunday brunches came to an end as a squad, Rick had cut ties after that encounter.
Soon Katie was laying her eyes on her newborn son and we all made sure to show up for her. It was smooth sailing even for Rick, he was over the moon at that moment, no tantrums or mood swings, just pure happiness. I remember Rick’s father requesting for him to be named after him, but the mother would not allow it. She didn’t want to be associated with the family that had caused her trauma during her pregnancy and more so her children. This ‘disrespect” according to African culture made the Lion and his cub have a scuffle later that evening that even led to the Lion, Rick’s father have a fractured shoulder. Rick left immediately and went missing for a day only to be spotted by various individuals naked, drunk, and heading to his mum’s residence. In these hours he had been beaten up and abused by passersby for being unruly since he should not behave that way in this society.
I remember when Greg shared how they found him at his mother’s house, bleeding and full of dirt, only for his mother to provoke the neighbors to beat some sense into him, rather than restrain and calm him down. I shed a tear. If betrayal had levels then I think this would be the highest of them all. Don’t get me wrong, I understand how scared one will be in such a situation. A ‘mad’ man more so your son coming at you like that but can you imagine the psychological damage Rick experienced in just twenty-four hours? In my opinion, some things stick with you and this is one of them.
Later, we came to know the father’s side of the family had the bi-polar syndrome. A mental illness that is quite common but still not known by many. You can imagine the damage that had occurred but avoided if this information was publicly known to even Rick. I can imagine the seclusion the family went through from the extended family. It may be the reason why the mother left but since no one talked, the whole family suffered the consequences of negligence and secrecy. I remembered asking if Katie knew that her son could suffer the same fate in due time and if she was ready to take up the responsibility of ensuring Kyle, her son, would have a chance to live a normal life. Now as we speak, Rick is part of the things that fell apart in his life, not wanting anything from the world but to be felt to be.
Why this story, you may ask? Nothing is bad in this life in this world like dying or killing both in the literal and figurative sense of things due to ignorance. It was clear, that his behavior in whatever ‘episode’ he experienced that he wasn’t sane. However, you find the masking of the illness by the society will be due to drug abuse, true or not, it may be the trigger but it is never the cause. The moment, we, as a society can cease conforming to this cultural mindset is when most of our issues will find a solution. Leading to better care, awareness, laws, and insurance on matters of mental health. Sometimes I feel a revolution may be the only way to wake this sleeping society.

Open to comments, opinions, and discussions 🔍.