Beauty in Presence

Unbecoming sometimes means becoming …

In the words of the intelligent rapper, J. Cole, … Lord, keep us forever in the present, for presence makes the strongest fathers, in this case, it makes the strongest people. We are so caught up in getting to the destination that we forget to enjoy the journey, where the beauty is. When we get to the destination new goals are set and the cycle continues until we die. The anxiety is still constant, the frustrations are never-ending in this imperfect world so it is only fair to yourself when you enjoy and embrace the current place you are in life. You are allowed to dream and be entitled to focus on your goals but with equal measure make the best out of what is happening around you.

I recently went through an overwhelming moment, where I had achieved my set goals in the past year and in the same breath wondering what I want to do next. I was reading somewhere about how we tend to let our lowest moments consume so much of our time compared to the high moments. It is a negative brain bias we are born with, such as the one where you vividly recall the negative memories as opposed to the positive ones. This tendency is one of our greatest weaknesses. It’s also a source of strength to move past an obstacle (or transition) we face. Sufficient motivation and clarification on one’s life are built during this transition time. Indeed, it did the same for me when I moved past it. I have always wanted to do everything that makes me feel whole. But, unfortunately, you can’t personally do all of them at the same time not unless you allocate or let in someone to accomplish the vision with you.

Being a planner, for the first time in a long time, I didn’t know what I was waking up to do the following morning. It didn’t bother me at first, I can blame it on the exhaustion, the need to rest and reconnect with myself – if that even makes sense, after giving my all to the attained dream, but when it finally sank in that I need to goal-set for the next destination or detour, the only thought that lingered in my mind was, “this can’t be what life is about.” Living a life of constantly planning and reaching set goals cannot be the only way to live. For I choose not to be part of the rat race. As I recollected my thoughts and feelings, I thought of my next move, it was really a battle between conforming to the standards of the world and etching my own path. In doing the former, I will be accepting to forego my dreams to be able to self-sustain. This choice meant accepting the circumstances of the work environment and to continue making money where I can. Undertaking the latter, meant knocking on closed doors, being ready to be overworked and underpaid, as I grow farther into my career goals; thus, equating to relevant experience. Unfortunately, with the prevailing circumstances, it’s easier said than done. Amid the frustrations, I quickly learned there is no manual to go about achieving my path, I smiled. A light lit up in me and I said to myself, “I may actually be the founder of this path.” Etching a path that can be used by others.

At this moment I felt renewed, repurposed, refocused, fear-free, anxiety-deprived, even with the lost time, almost a week or so, I truly appreciate that moment. The compass was set back to the north and freedom was attained. Free from the chains of my thoughts, self-doubt, self-scrutiny, and conformity. The choice I had to make, would not be a walk in the park but at least I can own the decisions made from it. I can now breathe a little easier, smile more, and rekindle my passion. That is the beauty of transition, the beauty of the present, letting yourself feel every moment of it. No matter how good or bad it feels you are entitled to take it all in. Emotions are not our source of weakness but the fuel to our humanity. The beauty of being in the present is that it locks out past experiences and curbs future expectations, if you do it just right you will be unstoppable. I know we would all want to tell a story of how the tools, work we do daily, and their impact make us come alive. All we have to do is, dare to be present.